Friday 26 August 2016

Olympic moment in time






                                            WALT: Describe a moment in time in detail.    
I heard the crowd cheering my name. I ran as fast as i could, I did not stop or they would catch up.  
I tried around they were right behind me, I ran as fast as a cheater about to pounce  I won Gold.
Yayaya! They cheered my name, I felt  proud. I wonder with my Mum and Dad watch me and I also wonder were my friends watching  me. by Rhys
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6 comments:

  1. Jayden29 August 2016 at 11:16

    Hi Rhys I really like the simile I pounced over the line and got gold.
    Next time you could put spaces for yay yay yay.

    ReplyDelete
  2. jacob29 August 2016 at 11:17

    hi Rhys I like the way you had a photo of us Usain bolt next step yous capital letter for I

    ReplyDelete
  3. Antonia29 August 2016 at 11:20

    Hi Rhys
    I like how use similes
    To be BTB instead of I did not stop or they would catch up
    I did not stop because the other runners would catch up
    by Antonia

    ReplyDelete
  4. Archie29 August 2016 at 11:22

    Hi Rhys I like how have a awesome introduction next time you could tell us a bit more about what you were wondering

    ReplyDelete
  5. reed7 September 2016 at 14:28

    Hi Rhys a good easy story that is awesome I really liked the simile you put in your work. To be BTB try to prof read your work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Max8 September 2016 at 11:38

    Hi, Rhys

    Your writing is great.

    Next time Remember to put I as a capital.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.

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